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You need to implement a n00b bashing program like over at NASIOC. IF you torment them enough it really cuts down on n00b posts. It's also provides a nice hostile environment that you can be proud of!
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Visit http://www.corner-carvers.com/forums for excellent examples of this.
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"None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked in here with you.. you're locked in here with me."
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