[sperry]

...at least when it comes to M&Ms. I've got a strict eating order, based on a color superiority scale. I eat the inferior M&M's 1st, working my way up to the most elite.

Here's the ranking, and why:

blue - The blue M&M's are the worst scum of the M&M universe. They came in with their fancy new color and wiped out the tan M&M race. The blue M&M is like some gay hold-over from the Easter bag that somehow inflitrated my beloved bag of regular M&Ms. Fuck the new guys... they die 1st.

red - The red M&M's are only slightly better than the blues, but that's just because they've been around longer. Nevermind that hiatus when they were gone because they caused cancer. The red M&M's die next.

brown - The only thing brown's got going for 'em is that they're an original color. Just ignore the brown M&M's complete lack of originality. They're basically uncolored... they're made out of chocolate, and look that way. The brown M&M's die third.

tan - This is when the tan's used to get eaten. But because of those dirty blues, the tan's are now extinct. The tan's used to be the bread and butter M&M's. Still not creative, but they were at least a little more "upscale" than the browns in that they at least tried to look like carmel or something other than plain chocolate.

orange - With the demise of the tans, the orange M&M's have become the "average citizen" of the M&M world. They're a little bit brash and bright, but at least they try. The oranges are consumed 4th.

yellow - Yellow is like orange, but they spruced it up a bit. Yellows are vibrant without being brash... like little drops of sunlight. And they've been that way long before those Skittles imposters show up with their "Taste the Rainbow" line of propaganda bullshit. Yellows hold out second to last... the penultimate M&M if you will.

green - Of course green is the top M&M. Their aphrodisiactic ability is legendary! When someone offers you an M&M and you get a green, well you just came out on top (and in some cases it means you have to bang the person that gave it to you). The green M&M is the most elite. It owns all the oil companies and media outlets, and controls the M&M's government. They're like the Michael Jordans of M&M basketball... or the Michael Schumacher of M&M F1 (assuming they don't have to suffer on those crappy Bridgestones). Yes the green M&M is the champion. They die last.