Jackhammer - Subaru Enthusiasts Car Club of the Sierras

cody · 2009-05-20, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Woman Dies After Using Jackhammer As Dildo
Posted on May 5, 2009 by tubesteak

ARNDALE, OK – Sheriff’s investigators have closed the unsettling case of a 49-year-old female construction worker found dead in her driveway after a neighbor witnessed her using a high-powered jackhammer to pleasure herself.

After a two-day investigation in which officials initially suspected foul play–Shirley Dent’s death on May 1 has now been ruled an accident “after severe internal distress induced by the machine was discovered,” Det.-Sgt. Karl Sprout of the Alpara County Sheriff’s Office said yesterday.

On May 1, a neighbor witnessed a naked Ms. Dent in her driveway “struggling to direct a jackhammer toward her mid-section.” The alarmed neighbor notified police after hearing ear-splitting moans of distress that carried over the raucous jackhammer. Authorities arrived at the scene to an unresponsive Ms. Dent, who was then transported to West Grenier Hospital where she was pronounced dead shortly thereafter.

The recently divorced Ms. Dent had been questioned by authorities three times over the past month after neighbors complained of her running a prostitution ring from her home. Records also show that Ms. Dent supplemented her income as the sole proprietor of a sex toy distributor.

Ms. Dent’s alleged extracurricular activities appear to be unrelated to her death. A neighbor who declined to be identified said, “She was a horny lady, especially after her husband moved out. My family could hear moans coming from her place all the time.”

http://decentcommunity.org/2009/05/0...mmer-as-dildo/

Now that's what I call, a sticky situation.

MattR · 2009-05-20, 09:41 AM

Is this supposed to be in the "onion" thread?...Holy Shit.

Nick Koan · 2009-05-20, 09:59 AM

Didn't she learn her lesson from "Top Secret!"?

/i'd google for the image too, but I'm at work.

cody · 2009-05-20, 10:18 AM

GusGus91 · 2009-05-20, 10:29 AM

Haha I need more stories like this to fill my day!

Nick Koan · 2009-05-20, 11:44 AM

Ah, even better. Found a youtube video clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XJ35LIebwc
NSFW-ish. No nudity or bad dialog, but some visual gags that probably aren't appropriate.

2009-05-20, 09:41 AM	#2
MattR El Matador Real Name: Matt Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Reno, NV Posts: 10,660 Car: 2012 Toyota Tacoma Class: ?	Is this supposed to be in the "onion" thread?...Holy Shit. __________________ "Dallas..We have a problem.”

2009-05-20, 09:59 AM	#3
Nick Koan JDM Cowboy Real Name: Nick Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 8,642 Car: 2015 Mazda 3	Didn't she learn her lesson from "Top Secret!"? /i'd google for the image too, but I'm at work. __________________ While a standard engine is powered by a belt connected to the crankshaft, a turbo engine runs on its own exhaust steam, making it more energy efficient. -- CNN

2009-05-20, 10:18 AM	#4
cody Candy Mountain Real Name: Cody Join Date: May 2005 Location: Californication Posts: 7,751 Car: 03 Pussy Wagon, now with more pink! Class: TESP OMG Internet!	__________________ Slow and low, that is the tempo.

2009-05-20, 10:29 AM	#5
GusGus91 EJ205 Real Name: Austin Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: South Reno, NV Posts: 1,406 Car: 2006 WRB WRX TR, 2008 LR STI Class: Too classy Dont sweat the petty... Pet the sweaty.	Haha I need more stories like this to fill my day! __________________ "Like" me on facebook!http://www.facebook.com/pages/AP-Cre...2196449?v=wall _______________ 06 WRX w/ 6MT UNDER CONSTRUCTION 09 chicane yellow 370z

2009-05-20, 11:44 AM	#6
Nick Koan JDM Cowboy Real Name: Nick Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 8,642 Car: 2015 Mazda 3	Ah, even better. Found a youtube video clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XJ35LIebwc NSFW-ish. No nudity or bad dialog, but some visual gags that probably aren't appropriate. __________________ While a standard engine is powered by a belt connected to the crankshaft, a turbo engine runs on its own exhaust steam, making it more energy efficient. -- CNN