You know you have to much horsepower when............

[ArthurS]

You Know You Have Too Much Horsepower When.........

1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.

2. You can't drive your car in the rain.

3. Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.

4. You are afraid to drive your car.

5. You spend more on tires than on food.

6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.

7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.

8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.

9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.

10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.

11. You measure the fuel you use in "gallons per mile".

12. Your engine idles at 2800 rpm.

13. You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.

14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.

15. You arrive somewhere before you left.

16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."

17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.

18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.

19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.

20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.

22. You need parachute braking.

23. Your 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.

24 There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.

25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)

26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with life-sized posters of your car.

27. Fuel is delivered to your home in 55 gallon drums

28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)

29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the windshield. (what else is there to clean???)

30. You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.

31. Young children cling to their mommies in fear when you round the corner.

32. Birds fall out of their nests from the rumble of your 5" dual exhaust.

33. All the major Tire makers are sending you free slicks in hopes of endorsment deal.

34. The UPS guy took to taking Steroids so he could keep up with your shipments.

35. The Fed Ex guy had a nervous breakdown.

36. All the wildlife within a 800ft radius around your house got the HELL OUT.

37. The nearest Geological Seismic Surveying Station Operator knows your address by heart.

38. A booming voice greets potential passengers with, "That's right....you paid for the whole seat but you'll only need the EDGE.

39. The earth slows in rotation when you hook up on your new slicks and head east.

40. You have to screw your slicks to the wheels.

41. Your exhaust pipes are larger in diameter than your driveline.

42. Your fuel pump flows enough to water a golf course.

43. Your compression's high enough you could run diesel fuel.

44. The sparks from your wheelie bars start grass fires on the side of the road.






Brought to you by the letter "H" and http://www.madwheels.com/jokes/

[sperry]

14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.

Very clever!! Dopler Red Shift

[AtomicLabMonkey]

#28 applies to me...

[dayofpain]

1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.

yeah but only in the impala...

2. You can't drive your car in the rain.

not even my awd works at full boost

3. Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.

of course, she knows id kill her if something happened.


5. You spend more on tires than on food.

yep...

6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.

not yet

7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.

actually one of the california hp had a picture of my impala on his desktop on his computer and pulled me over in it to let me know.

9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.

i have to go to sutro 76... but they selll it at the track too.

10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.

when i got the impala painted councours added an awning to the front of the shop... becaues of how much profit they made from the job.


14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.

that would be sooooo fuckin badass, however the blood would leave your eyes first, so how would you tell?


23. Your 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.

one girl i dated couldnt stand the impala, it was too loud for her to think.

24 There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.

nope, not even on the bike

25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)

my spider hates my car... alot.


27. Fuel is delivered to your home in 55 gallon drums

wouldnt that be nice...

28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)

me too...


30. You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.

i fold mine in at the strip... does that count.

31. Young children cling to their mommies in fear when you round the corner.

only if my bov opens. lol.

34. The UPS guy took to taking Steroids so he could keep up with your shipments.

no but his name is brad and he leaves things for me even when hes not suppposed to.

35. The Fed Ex guy had a nervous breakdown.

fedex sucks.

41. Your exhaust pipes are larger in diameter than your driveline.

yep on both cars!

42. Your fuel pump flows enough to water a golf course.

455 lph... in the impalas tank with an aux pump in case it fails.

[sperry]

Originally Posted by dayofpain

25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)

my spider hates my car... alot.

[ArthurS]

Thats funny as hell Phil.

[ArthurS]

1. Have a friend ride in the back seat. Gagged.

2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Headbang.

3. Wear snorkel gear and hang fish around from the ceiling.

4. Two words: Chicken suit.

5. Write the words "Help me" on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.

6. Pay the toll for the car behind you. Watch in rearview mirror as toll collector tries to explain to next driver.

7. Laugh. Laugh a lot. A whooooole lot.

8. Stop at the green lights.

9. Go at the red ones.

10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.

11. Eat food that requires silverware.

12. Put your arms down the legs of an extra pair of trousers, put sneakers on your hands, and lean the seat back as you drive.

13. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, suddenly lock your doors.

14. Honk frequently without motivation.

15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an offended and angry look as if they gave you an obscene gesture.

16. At stop lights, ask people if they have any Grey Poupon.

17. Let pedestrians know who's boss.

18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.

19. Restart your car at every stop light.

20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.

21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.

22. Keep at least five cats in the car.

23. Squeegee your windshield at every stop.

24. If an firetruck comes up behind you, pull over, get on the roof of your car, and do a cheer for them as they pass!

25. Compliment other drivers on their skill and finesse.

26. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.

27. Stop and collect roadkill.

28. Stop and pray for roadkill.

29. Stop and cook roadkill. (If in Tennessee.)

30. Throw Spam. Tape signs on windows protesting email abuse.

31. Get in the fast lane and gradually... slow... down... to... a stop. Then get out and watch the cars.

32. Vary your vehicle's speed inversely with the speed limit.

33. Drive off an exit ramp, ask for directions to the town you're in. When they tell you you're there, look confused, glance at your map, laugh, and exclaim, "Oh! Wrong state!"

34. Sing without having the radio on.

35. At stop lights, run out of your car, place pylons around you, then gather them back up as the light changes and drive off...