My lunch break. A rant by sperry in 5 parts. - Subaru Enthusiasts Car Club of the Sierras

sperry · 2004-12-08, 01:36 PM

1) Why the fuck did it take 20 minutes to go through the Carl's drive-thru? I mean really, they spent millions of dollars designing custom hardware and procedures to get people their greasy-ass sandwiches in 3 minutes. What the hell kind of retards are you guys that you can't operate the system to within 10% of it's designed efficiency?

2) When they ask me "we're all out of garden salads, can we give you a chicken salad instead?" what they're really asking is "we've got an ass-load of two day old chicken salads that we can't fit in the fridge anymore, how about we give you one of those instead of the garden salad you ordered because you'll think you're getting the larger, better salad for the price of the smaller garden salad?"

3) Stop signs in the Walbog's parking lot must have been updated.

Thanks to the lady driving her Expedition, I now have half a liter of iced tea on my floormat. Good to know the SVX's brakes work better than the cup holder that is my crotch.

4) If you're going to drive a lifted vehicle... spend some money on adiquate mud flaps. I now have another little chip in my $1200 to replace windshield. It's really minor, but it's right in my line of sight.

5) Green lights *do not mean* slow to half the speed limit before entering the intersection. Especially when the light's been green for 20 seconds and 10 other cars in front of you just went through it at full speed! You're probably the same person that stops on the freeway on ramp because it looks like there were cars coming.

About the Author:

Sperry just recently realized that he's an asshole. He used to just think he was a nice guy that acted like an asshole occationally, but has since come to the realization that more often than not he's a dick. He no longer gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't show him that you're a useful member of society, then he thinks you should fucking die a horrible death, sooner rather than later, preferably before you breed, so he won't have to deal with you or your resource sucking offspring.

sperry · 2004-12-08, 01:41 PM

6) I drank enough of my tea to find out that my straw's broken... now every sip is airated.

MattR · 2004-12-08, 01:49 PM

Shit man...I should have met you for lunch so you didn't have to go thru Carls...I take full blame...

qksubi · 2004-12-08, 01:51 PM

Scott I think maybe you need meds like I take so when you get to be my age you wont totally lose it and beat the F--- out of somone one day as I did but thank god I didnt get thrown in the pokie

Take a yoga class or smoke a joint! I am not saying you shouldnt feel like this rant on I feel your pain I would do it but the typing that you are reading is hunt and peck so I would have to hire somone to bitch on the boards for me!!

when Zack gets better at typing hes going to do it for me

JC · 2004-12-08, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

About the Author:

Sperry just recently realized that he's an asshole. He used to just think he was a nice guy that acted like an asshole occationally, but has since come to the realization that more often than not he's a dick. He no longer gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't show him that you're a useful member of society, then he thinks you should fucking die a horrible death, sooner rather than later, preferably before you breed, so he won't have to deal with you or your resource sucking offspring.

Welcome to the club, glad you finally decided to join us.

sperry · 2004-12-08, 02:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JC

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

About the Author:

Sperry just recently realized that he's an asshole. He used to just think he was a nice guy that acted like an asshole occationally, but has since come to the realization that more often than not he's a dick. He no longer gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't show him that you're a useful member of society, then he thinks you should fucking die a horrible death, sooner rather than later, preferably before you breed, so he won't have to deal with you or your resource sucking offspring.

Welcome to the club, glad you finally decided to join us.

"I knew it! I'm surrounded by Assholes!"

sti deede · 2004-12-08, 02:05 PM

Quote:

cup holder that is my crotch.

but seriously that sucks.

Quote:

Sperry just recently realized that he's an asshole. He used to just think he was a nice guy that acted like an asshole occationally, but has since come to the realization that more often than not he's a dick. He no longer gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't show him that you're a useful member of society, then he thinks you should fucking die a horrible death, sooner rather than later, preferably before you breed, so he won't have to deal with you or your resource sucking offspring.

Harsh....but true. Breeding should be limited to productive members of society. Unfortunately, most of them realize that reproducing is a waste of time.

MikeK · 2004-12-08, 02:14 PM

Scott: Expect a bill for my hernia operation from laughing so hard at your post

Dean · 2004-12-08, 02:22 PM

All I can say is you clearly need a better, more functional, and might I say larger(?) cup holder....

AtomicLabMonkey · 2004-12-08, 02:23 PM

Another drive-thru rant by Scott?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

About the Author:

Sperry just recently realized that he's an asshole. He used to just think he was a nice guy that acted like an asshole occationally, but has since come to the realization that more often than not he's a dick. He no longer gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't show him that you're a useful member of society, then he thinks you should fucking die a horrible death, sooner rather than later, preferably before you breed, so he won't have to deal with you or your resource sucking offspring.

Well played.

ScottyS · 2004-12-08, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JC

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

About the Author:

Sperry just recently realized that he's an asshole. He used to just think he was a nice guy that acted like an asshole occationally, but has since come to the realization that more often than not he's a dick. He no longer gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't show him that you're a useful member of society, then he thinks you should fucking die a horrible death, sooner rather than later, preferably before you breed, so he won't have to deal with you or your resource sucking offspring.

Welcome to the club, glad you finally decided to join us.

That's what I was going to say!

ScottyS · 2004-12-08, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

........or your resource sucking offspring.

I still like Scott Adam's phrase "germ-riddled children".

sti deede · 2004-12-08, 02:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MikeK

Scott: Expect a bill for my hernia operation from laughing so hard at your post

Your right up there mister.

sperry · 2004-12-08, 03:36 PM

Well, my afternoon got a little better.

IT just dropped off a pair of 19" flat panel displays and carted off my two CRTs. I'm now rocking the dual flat panel monitors!

If only they didn't have those pesky IGT property tags on the back.

sti deede · 2004-12-08, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

Well, my afternoon got a little better.

IT just dropped off a pair of 19" flat panel displays and carted off my two CRTs. I'm now rocking the dual flat panel monitors!

If only they didn't have those pesky IGT property tags on the back.

Watch it soon you'll get used to them and have to buy some for home use. (or pick the tags off

)

Libila · 2004-12-08, 03:51 PM

You should read that "What kind of A-Hole are you?" article in the newest MPH magazine. This rant made me think of it.

tysonK · 2004-12-08, 09:36 PM

some major late term onset assholism.

Evo Mike · 2004-12-08, 10:13 PM

Quote:

All I can say is you clearly need a better, more functional, and might I say larger(?) cup holder....

cupholders? at least subaru took the time to design one that actually fits... speaking of greasy foods and over sized cokes.. how the hell do car companies expect you to shift when you have a supersized cup in your cupholder? *which by the way is right behind the shifter!*

Evo Mike · 2004-12-08, 10:17 PM

"resource sucking offspring" huh?

sperry · 2004-12-08, 10:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evo Mike

Quote:

All I can say is you clearly need a better, more functional, and might I say larger(?) cup holder....

cupholders? at least subaru took the time to design one that actually fits... speaking of greasy foods and over sized cokes.. how the hell do car companies expect you to shift when you have a supersized cup in your cupholder? *which by the way is right behind the shifter!*

My point about the cupholder is that in the SVX the cupholder is my crotch. That's right the SVX was a $33,000 car in 1992, and it had not one single cupholder. My iced tea was in between my legs when I had to ABS the thing to a halt to avoid plowing into the Expedition that ran the stop sign in front of me.

I did give the bitch driving the dirtiest look *ever* as I picked up my spilt drink. I think she saw what had happened, and yet even after making eye contact, no appology... 'course I wouldn't appologize to me... I'm an asshole.

ScottyS · 2004-12-09, 10:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

Quote:

Originally Posted by Evo Mike

Quote:

All I can say is you clearly need a better, more functional, and might I say larger(?) cup holder....

cupholders? at least subaru took the time to design one that actually fits... speaking of greasy foods and over sized cokes.. how the hell do car companies expect you to shift when you have a supersized cup in your cupholder? *which by the way is right behind the shifter!*

My point about the cupholder is that in the SVX the cupholder is my crotch. That's right the SVX was a $33,000 car in 1992, and it had not one single cupholder. My iced tea was in between my legs when I had to ABS the thing to a halt to avoid plowing into the Expedition that ran the stop sign in front of me.

I did give the bitch driving the dirtiest look *ever* as I picked up my spilt drink. I think she saw what had happened, and yet even after making eye contact, no appology... 'course I wouldn't appologize to me... I'm an asshole.

This is simply more proof that we need door-gunners.

JC · 2004-12-09, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

My point about the cupholder is that in the SVX the cupholder is my crotch. That's right the SVX was a $33,000 car in 1992, and it had not one single cupholder. My iced tea was in between my legs when I had to ABS the thing to a halt to avoid plowing into the Expedition that ran the stop sign in front of me.

I did give the bitch driving the dirtiest look *ever* as I picked up my spilt drink. I think she saw what had happened, and yet even after making eye contact, no appology... 'course I wouldn't appologize to me... I'm an asshole.

I would have thrown something at her, or at least followed her for a while.

sperry · 2004-12-09, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JC

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

My point about the cupholder is that in the SVX the cupholder is my crotch. That's right the SVX was a $33,000 car in 1992, and it had not one single cupholder. My iced tea was in between my legs when I had to ABS the thing to a halt to avoid plowing into the Expedition that ran the stop sign in front of me.

I did give the bitch driving the dirtiest look *ever* as I picked up my spilt drink. I think she saw what had happened, and yet even after making eye contact, no appology... 'course I wouldn't appologize to me... I'm an asshole.

I would have thrown something at her, or at least followed her for a while.

Next time you're in your SVX, try throwing something out that half window! Although chucking the rest of my tea at her would have been pretty satisfying.

sti deede · 2004-12-09, 11:03 AM

I want a liter of cola.

sperry · 2004-12-09, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sti deede

I want a liter of cola.

"Um, do we have liter-a-cola? I don't think we have that."
"Just order a large, Farva."
"I don't want a large Farva, I want a goddamn liter of cola!"

2004-12-08, 01:36 PM	#1
sperry The Doink Real Name: Scott Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 20,335 Car: '09 OBXT, '02 WRX, '96 Miata Class: PDX/TT-6 The way out is through	My lunch break. A rant by sperry in 5 parts. 1) Why the fuck did it take 20 minutes to go through the Carl's drive-thru? I mean really, they spent millions of dollars designing custom hardware and procedures to get people their greasy-ass sandwiches in 3 minutes. What the hell kind of retards are you guys that you can't operate the system to within 10% of it's designed efficiency? 2) When they ask me "we're all out of garden salads, can we give you a chicken salad instead?" what they're really asking is "we've got an ass-load of two day old chicken salads that we can't fit in the fridge anymore, how about we give you one of those instead of the garden salad you ordered because you'll think you're getting the larger, better salad for the price of the smaller garden salad?" 3) Stop signs in the Walbog's parking lot must have been updated. Thanks to the lady driving her Expedition, I now have half a liter of iced tea on my floormat. Good to know the SVX's brakes work better than the cup holder that is my crotch. 4) If you're going to drive a lifted vehicle... spend some money on adiquate mud flaps. I now have another little chip in my $1200 to replace windshield. It's really minor, but it's right in my line of sight. 5) Green lights do not mean slow to half the speed limit before entering the intersection. Especially when the light's been green for 20 seconds and 10 other cars in front of you just went through it at full speed! You're probably the same person that stops on the freeway on ramp because it looks like there were cars coming. About the Author: Sperry just recently realized that he's an asshole. He used to just think he was a nice guy that acted like an asshole occationally, but has since come to the realization that more often than not he's a dick. He no longer gives anyone the benefit of the doubt. If you don't show him that you're a useful member of society, then he thinks you should fucking die a horrible death, sooner rather than later, preferably before you breed, so he won't have to deal with you or your resource sucking offspring. __________________ Is you is, or is you ain't, my con-stit-u-ints?

2004-12-08, 01:41 PM	#2
sperry The Doink Real Name: Scott Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 20,335 Car: '09 OBXT, '02 WRX, '96 Miata Class: PDX/TT-6 The way out is through	6) I drank enough of my tea to find out that my straw's broken... now every sip is airated. __________________ Is you is, or is you ain't, my con-stit-u-ints?

2004-12-08, 01:49 PM	#3
MattR El Matador Real Name: Matt Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Reno, NV Posts: 10,660 Car: 2012 Toyota Tacoma Class: ?	Shit man...I should have met you for lunch so you didn't have to go thru Carls...I take full blame... __________________ "Dallas..We have a problem.”

2004-12-08, 02:22 PM	#9
Dean Señor Cheap Bastarde Real Name: Dean Join Date: May 2003 Location: $99 Tire Store Posts: 9,294 Car: $.04 STI Class: Fast,Cheap & Reliable=STI Deal, did somebody say Deal? Oh, Dean, yeah that's me.	All I can say is you clearly need a better, more functional, and might I say larger(?) cup holder.... __________________ I am a Commodore PET --- Now get off my lawn you kids...

2004-12-08, 03:36 PM	#14
sperry The Doink Real Name: Scott Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 20,335 Car: '09 OBXT, '02 WRX, '96 Miata Class: PDX/TT-6 The way out is through	Well, my afternoon got a little better. IT just dropped off a pair of 19" flat panel displays and carted off my two CRTs. I'm now rocking the dual flat panel monitors! If only they didn't have those pesky IGT property tags on the back. __________________ Is you is, or is you ain't, my con-stit-u-ints?

2004-12-08, 01:51 PM	#4
qksubi Assault Mechanic Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Reno Posts: 996 Car: 13 Sti Hatch Satin white Class: TBSP/TT-2 Aim for the EYES!	Scott I think maybe you need meds like I take so when you get to be my age you wont totally lose it and beat the F--- out of somone one day as I did but thank god I didnt get thrown in the pokie Take a yoga class or smoke a joint! I am not saying you shouldnt feel like this rant on I feel your pain I would do it but the typing that you are reading is hunt and peck so I would have to hire somone to bitch on the boards for me!! when Zack gets better at typing hes going to do it for me

2004-12-08, 02:14 PM	#8
MikeK Captain Turbo Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Reno Posts: 3,318 Car: 05 STi	Scott: Expect a bill for my hernia operation from laughing so hard at your post

2004-12-08, 03:51 PM	#16
Libila EJ205 Real Name: Tim Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Reno, NV Posts: 1,384 Car: '94 L	You should read that "What kind of A-Hole are you?" article in the newest MPH magazine. This rant made me think of it.

2004-12-08, 09:36 PM	#17
tysonK warehouse SECCS Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: SoCal... Posts: 6,253 Car: 04 Evo 99 Cadillac Class: street de le mod	some major late term onset assholism. __________________ Anjali? Anjali?

2004-12-08, 10:17 PM	#19
Evo Mike EJ251 Join Date: Apr 2004 Posts: 513	"resource sucking offspring" huh? __________________ I Can't Believe My Friends.... Drive WRX's....

2004-12-09, 11:03 AM	#24
sti deede EJ205 Real Name: Deede Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Sacramento, CA Posts: 1,789 Car: '96 4runner Class: none.	I want a liter of cola.