Oil Chage Instructions...

[MPREZIV]

Thought this was kinda funny, thought I'd share!!!



Oil Change instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00

Coffee $1.00

Total $21.00

================================================== ========

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.

2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

1 Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

19) Remember drain plug from step 11.

20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

21) Drink beer.

22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.

24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.

25) Begin cussing fit.

26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.

2 Beer.

29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

30) Beer.

31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

32) Beer.

33) Lower car from jack stands.

34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.

35) Beer.

36) Test drive car.

37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

3 Car gets impounded.

39) Call loving wife, make bail.

40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $20.00

Total -- $4,145.00

But you know the job was done right!

[JonnydaJibba]

Haha damn.

[M3n2c3]

Well done, sir

[Nick Koan]

Skip the part about the jack stands and the drain plug (Fumoto valve for the win!), and that sounds just about right for me. I've even left the fumoto valve open on accident as I started to refill the oil. I remembered at the last minute and didn't really spill anything, but still

[Libila]

At the risk of sounding gay I usually take the womans way on this one. The price difference isn't worth the extra effort.

[Nick Koan]

I've found there really isn't a price difference. Hell, when I'm done I end up spending at least $25-$30 bucks per oil change (just on oil and filter alone). Sure, I'm buying better oil and filters, but not that much better.

On the other hand, its really not that hard, so there doesn't seem to be a need to have someone else do it.

[JonnydaJibba]

Meh, lots of people have had problems from having a business change their oil, so I'll jsut do it myself. It's not a lot when you consider how many people own cars, but it's enough to make me do it myself.

[Bob Danger]

Since it takes me fifteen minutes, and I can reach the oil filter and the drain, without getting under the car, I do it myself.

[Libila]

I changed my oil, tranny and diff fluid on Saturday because I found out that it's much more expensive for those kinds of services here.

[MorganK]

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
lmao

[sperry]

Originally Posted by lethalpressure

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
lmao

I've literally had to do that... but it was a filter that someone else put on my car... not me.

[ScottyS]

Originally Posted by sperry

I've literally had to do that... but it was a filter that someone else put on my car... not me.

It's really fun when the oil temp is like a jazillion degrees --- the first time I changed the oil in the 80Kw generator for our field camp, I discovered that the last person had put it on with a filter wrench and 10ft long cheater bar --- since I hadn't been able to find the wrench in the first place, and 25 people were waiting for electricity, I just did the old screwdriver trick --- bleh.