What did the potato chip say to the battery?



I'm Free-to-lay if you're Ever ready...

Bahahahahhaha :D

Two fellas find their seats on an airplane to Pittsburg, when each looks over and notices that the other has a BIG black eye!
"What a coincidence!" exclaims one of the passengers. "If I may ask, how'd you get YOUR black eye?"
"It was a simple Fruedian (sp?) slip. I was at the ticket counter, and there was a beautiful girl behind the counter with LARGE breasts. I couldn't take my eye off them, and when I meant to ask for a ticket to Pittsburg, I accidentally said 'Tittsburg', so she socked me one! How about you?"
Mine was a slip of the tonge as well! I was at the breakfast table with my wife this morning, and I meant to ask her to pass the sugar, but I accidentally said, 'You've ruined my life you large bottomed, self-centered bitch!' "

:lol:

Something in this thread trigered "porn" and other not so desireable stuff on my work filter :eek:

How? There aren't any links in here...looking back I see the words homosexual birds. Is that it? :eek:

'large breasts'

Not really sure, this is the second time It triggered those things, and blocked my access to the site, My IT lady isn't gonna unlock it anymore :( she's mean.

That's just odd. I mean, some of the jokes are fairly tasteless, but not THAT bad!

What's the difference between a dead baby and a chair?



I've never eaten a dead baby.

What?

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I fuckin' love that one. You have to deliver it totally straight-faced, then people do the normal uncomfortable "heh" you get with a dead baby joke.......then 10 seconds later it's like, "wait, WHAT?"

So you've eaten a chair then huh?

Exactly :lol: ;)

It was once, in college and i needed the money!

and you sit on dead babys?

Alright. Fuck it. Was a simple joke, not an autobiographical statement. Clear? :p

:lol:

Two strawberries are taking a bath and one says "Could you pass the soap?" The other one responds with "What do I look like, a toaster?"

I was waiting for that one to show up... now that this thread has gone from "post good jokes" to "post bad jokes".

Oh, I've got plenty of bad ones that I've been holding off on. And I think I'll refrain, for the sake of saving the thread.








/do you have any grapes?

Two slugs walk into a bar, the first one orders a margarita, takes a big drink and melts to the floor....the second one says....I will have the same thing...NO SALT

Welp, not every train makes it to the station.

Q: What did the blonde get on her IQ test ?


A: Drool!

How many fleas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but damned if I know how they get in there!

This one is a bit long, but I think it's worth it...

So this guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. He sits down and orders a drink. The monkey climbs down on the bar and starts going around eating all the peanuts. The bartender tells the guy "Hey, your monkey is eating all the customer's peanuts!" The guy replies "Yeah, sorry about that. He likes to eat things that he shouldn't. Let me pay you for the trouble." So the guy pays for the peanuts and his drink and leaves.

The guy and the monkey return the next day. The guy orders a drink, and the monkey climbs down and runs over to the pool table. He proceeds to swallow down the cue ball whole. Now the bartender is getting sort of upset and yells at the guy "Your monkey just ate my cue ball!" The guys says "I'm really sorry, this stupid monkey just can't help himself." So he pays the bartender for his drink and the cue ball and they leave again.

About a week goes by before the guy and his monkey return to the bar. The guy sits and orders a drink, and the monkey gets down on the bar again. He runs over to the bowl of cherries, and sticks one up his butt, then takes it out and eats it. The bartender sees this and is disgusted. He yells at the guy "Your stupid nasty monkey just stuck a cherry up his ass and then ate it!" The guy looks up and says "Doesn't really surprise me. Ever since he had to shit that cue ball out last week he's been sizing up everything he eats. I guess he's smarter than I thought he was." :lol: