Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the forest road when she sees the big bad wolf crouched down behind a log.


"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf." The wolf jumps up and runs away.


Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched behind a bush.



"My what big ears you have, Mr. Wolf." Again the wolf jumps up and runs away.


About 1/4 mile down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again and this time he is crouched down behind a rock.


"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf." With that the wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you knock it off, I'm trying to take a shit!"

Well, of course, colonoscopies are no joke, have one regularly anyway, but these comments during the exam are pretty funny -- a physician listed the following actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Hey, take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God! Now I know why I'm not gay."

And the best one of all..

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
there?"

^^ "Geez! How deep do you think you need to dig in there Doc!? If I wanted my teeth examined, I would'a gone to a dentist!" -Bill Engvall

Ok I heard this from one of the techs at work today....

Whats the difference between a porsche, and a garage full of dead babies?

I dont have a porsche in my garage.

:lol: Reminds me of Scott's "dumptruck full of bowling balls" joke on the first page!

Harley-Davidson in Heaven



The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven."



Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."



St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.



God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?"



Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me...."




God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"



Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?"



God said, "Ah, yes."



"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:
1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!



"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."



God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.



"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours!!!