Somebody tell me a good joke. - Page 2 - Subaru Enthusiasts Car Club of the Sierras

Trisca · 2006-06-06, 08:13 PM

What did the potato chip say to the battery?

I'm Free-to-lay if you're Ever ready...

cody · 2006-06-06, 10:52 PM

Bahahahahhaha

MPREZIV · 2006-06-07, 11:15 AM

Two fellas find their seats on an airplane to Pittsburg, when each looks over and notices that the other has a BIG black eye!
"What a coincidence!" exclaims one of the passengers. "If I may ask, how'd you get YOUR black eye?"
"It was a simple Fruedian (sp?) slip. I was at the ticket counter, and there was a beautiful girl behind the counter with LARGE breasts. I couldn't take my eye off them, and when I meant to ask for a ticket to Pittsburg, I accidentally said 'Tittsburg', so she socked me one! How about you?"
Mine was a slip of the tonge as well! I was at the breakfast table with my wife this morning, and I meant to ask her to pass the sugar, but I accidentally said, 'You've ruined my life you large bottomed, self-centered bitch!' "

JonnydaJibba · 2006-06-07, 11:54 AM

bruspeed · 2006-06-08, 08:36 AM

Something in this thread trigered "porn" and other not so desireable stuff on my work filter

JonnydaJibba · 2006-06-08, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bruspeed

Something in this thread trigered "porn" and other not so desireable stuff on my work filter

How? There aren't any links in here...looking back I see the words homosexual birds. Is that it?

Kevin M · 2006-06-08, 09:02 AM

'large breasts'

bruspeed · 2006-06-08, 09:06 AM

Not really sure, this is the second time It triggered those things, and blocked my access to the site, My IT lady isn't gonna unlock it anymore

she's mean.

MPREZIV · 2006-06-08, 09:44 AM

That's just odd. I mean, some of the jokes are fairly tasteless, but not THAT bad!

sybir · 2006-06-09, 10:27 AM

What's the difference between a dead baby and a chair?

I've never eaten a dead baby.

sperry · 2006-06-09, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sybir

What's the difference between a dead baby and a chair?

I've never eaten a dead baby.

What?

sybir · 2006-06-09, 10:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sperry

What?

I fuckin' love that one. You have to deliver it totally straight-faced, then people do the normal uncomfortable "heh" you get with a dead baby joke.......then 10 seconds later it's like, "wait, WHAT?"

MPREZIV · 2006-06-09, 10:56 AM

So you've eaten a chair then huh?

sybir · 2006-06-09, 11:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MPREZIV

So you've eaten a chair then huh?

Exactly

It was once, in college and i needed the money!

rubberbiscuitt · 2006-06-09, 11:34 AM

and you sit on dead babys?

sybir · 2006-06-09, 11:48 AM

Alright. Fuck it. Was a simple joke, not an autobiographical statement. Clear?

MPREZIV · 2006-06-09, 11:55 AM

Nick Koan · 2006-06-09, 12:19 PM

Two strawberries are taking a bath and one says "Could you pass the soap?" The other one responds with "What do I look like, a toaster?"

sperry · 2006-06-09, 12:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nKoan

Two strawberries are taking a bath and one says "Could you pass the soap?" The other one responds with "What do I look like, a toaster?"

I was waiting for that one to show up... now that this thread has gone from "post good jokes" to "post bad jokes".

Nick Koan · 2006-06-09, 12:22 PM

Oh, I've got plenty of bad ones that I've been holding off on. And I think I'll refrain, for the sake of saving the thread.

/do you have any grapes?

Ezdno · 2006-06-14, 12:59 PM

Two slugs walk into a bar, the first one orders a margarita, takes a big drink and melts to the floor....the second one says....I will have the same thing...NO SALT

JonnydaJibba · 2006-06-14, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezdno

Two slugs walk into a bar, the first one orders a margarita, takes a big drink and melts to the floor....the second one says....I will have the same thing...NO SALT

Welp, not every train makes it to the station.

A1337STI · 2006-06-14, 03:58 PM

Q: What did the blonde get on her IQ test ?

A: Drool!

sperry · 2006-06-14, 04:13 PM

How many fleas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but damned if I know how they get in there!

khail19 · 2006-06-15, 07:27 AM

This one is a bit long, but I think it's worth it...

So this guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. He sits down and orders a drink. The monkey climbs down on the bar and starts going around eating all the peanuts. The bartender tells the guy "Hey, your monkey is eating all the customer's peanuts!" The guy replies "Yeah, sorry about that. He likes to eat things that he shouldn't. Let me pay you for the trouble." So the guy pays for the peanuts and his drink and leaves.

The guy and the monkey return the next day. The guy orders a drink, and the monkey climbs down and runs over to the pool table. He proceeds to swallow down the cue ball whole. Now the bartender is getting sort of upset and yells at the guy "Your monkey just ate my cue ball!" The guys says "I'm really sorry, this stupid monkey just can't help himself." So he pays the bartender for his drink and the cue ball and they leave again.

About a week goes by before the guy and his monkey return to the bar. The guy sits and orders a drink, and the monkey gets down on the bar again. He runs over to the bowl of cherries, and sticks one up his butt, then takes it out and eats it. The bartender sees this and is disgusted. He yells at the guy "Your stupid nasty monkey just stuck a cherry up his ass and then ate it!" The guy looks up and says "Doesn't really surprise me. Ever since he had to shit that cue ball out last week he's been sizing up everything he eats. I guess he's smarter than I thought he was."

2006-06-06, 10:52 PM	#27
cody Candy Mountain Real Name: Cody Join Date: May 2005 Location: Californication Posts: 7,751 Car: 03 Pussy Wagon, now with more pink! Class: TESP OMG Internet!	Bahahahahhaha __________________ Slow and low, that is the tempo.

2006-06-07, 11:15 AM	#28
MPREZIV Token Real Name: Le Stig Afrique? Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: sitting next to a big yellow box Posts: 3,589 Car: 2001 Impreza 2.5 RS Class: 05 TDSP No, I won't work on your car. F your car*	Two fellas find their seats on an airplane to Pittsburg, when each looks over and notices that the other has a BIG black eye! "What a coincidence!" exclaims one of the passengers. "If I may ask, how'd you get YOUR black eye?" "It was a simple Fruedian (sp?) slip. I was at the ticket counter, and there was a beautiful girl behind the counter with LARGE breasts. I couldn't take my eye off them, and when I meant to ask for a ticket to Pittsburg, I accidentally said 'Tittsburg', so she socked me one! How about you?" Mine was a slip of the tonge as well! I was at the breakfast table with my wife this morning, and I meant to ask her to pass the sugar, but I accidentally said, 'You've ruined my life you large bottomed, self-centered bitch!' " __________________ "...these condoms have a topical anesthetic to reduce sensitivity, so you can last longer. What a paradox. You can't feel a thing, but you can f*ck for HOURS..."

2006-06-07, 11:54 AM	#29
JonnydaJibba EJ207 Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Reno/Sparks, Nevada Posts: 3,482 Car: 2000 2.5RS Class: RestNPeace Master Slurper.	__________________ "Why do chicks tell you to call and then not answer....so gay." "Cuz girls are fags I dunno"

2006-06-08, 08:36 AM	#30
bruspeed EJ251 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Sparks Posts: 526 Car: 2005 2.5 rs cgm Class: TDSP	Something in this thread trigered "porn" and other not so desireable stuff on my work filter __________________ Can anybody fly this thing?

2006-06-08, 09:02 AM	#32
Kevin M EJ22T Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Reno Posts: 9,445 Car: '93/'01 GF6, mostly red Class: 19 FP	'large breasts' __________________ FWD is the new AWD

2006-06-06, 08:13 PM	#26
Trisca n00b Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fernley, NV Posts: 14 Car: 03 Subaru Outback Drive fast and take chances.	What did the potato chip say to the battery? I'm Free-to-lay if you're Ever ready...

2006-06-08, 09:06 AM	#33
bruspeed EJ251 Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Sparks Posts: 526 Car: 2005 2.5 rs cgm Class: TDSP	Not really sure, this is the second time It triggered those things, and blocked my access to the site, My IT lady isn't gonna unlock it anymore she's mean. __________________ Can anybody fly this thing?

2006-06-08, 09:44 AM	#34
MPREZIV Token Real Name: Le Stig Afrique? Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: sitting next to a big yellow box Posts: 3,589 Car: 2001 Impreza 2.5 RS Class: 05 TDSP No, I won't work on your car. F your car*	That's just odd. I mean, some of the jokes are fairly tasteless, but not THAT bad! __________________ "...these condoms have a topical anesthetic to reduce sensitivity, so you can last longer. What a paradox. You can't feel a thing, but you can f*ck for HOURS..."

2006-06-09, 10:27 AM	#35
sybir The Don Real Name: Aaron Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Sacramento Posts: 3,097 Car: '97 Legacy / '05 FXT Class: low	What's the difference between a dead baby and a chair? I've never eaten a dead baby. __________________ Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

2006-06-09, 10:56 AM	#38
MPREZIV Token Real Name: Le Stig Afrique? Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: sitting next to a big yellow box Posts: 3,589 Car: 2001 Impreza 2.5 RS Class: 05 TDSP No, I won't work on your car. F your car*	So you've eaten a chair then huh? __________________ "...these condoms have a topical anesthetic to reduce sensitivity, so you can last longer. What a paradox. You can't feel a thing, but you can f*ck for HOURS..."

2006-06-09, 11:34 AM	#40
rubberbiscuitt EJ22 Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: south lake tahoe Posts: 234 Car: L just push the brake pedal.	and you sit on dead babys?

2006-06-09, 11:48 AM	#41
sybir The Don Real Name: Aaron Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Sacramento Posts: 3,097 Car: '97 Legacy / '05 FXT Class: low	Alright. Fuck it. Was a simple joke, not an autobiographical statement. Clear? __________________ Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

2006-06-09, 11:55 AM	#42
MPREZIV Token Real Name: Le Stig Afrique? Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: sitting next to a big yellow box Posts: 3,589 Car: 2001 Impreza 2.5 RS Class: 05 TDSP No, I won't work on your car. F your car*	__________________ "...these condoms have a topical anesthetic to reduce sensitivity, so you can last longer. What a paradox. You can't feel a thing, but you can f*ck for HOURS..."

2006-06-09, 12:19 PM	#43
Nick Koan JDM Cowboy Real Name: Nick Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 8,642 Car: 2015 Mazda 3	Two strawberries are taking a bath and one says "Could you pass the soap?" The other one responds with "What do I look like, a toaster?" __________________ While a standard engine is powered by a belt connected to the crankshaft, a turbo engine runs on its own exhaust steam, making it more energy efficient. -- CNN

2006-06-09, 12:22 PM	#45
Nick Koan JDM Cowboy Real Name: Nick Join Date: Oct 2003 Location: Somewhere Posts: 8,642 Car: 2015 Mazda 3	Oh, I've got plenty of bad ones that I've been holding off on. And I think I'll refrain, for the sake of saving the thread. /do you have any grapes? __________________ While a standard engine is powered by a belt connected to the crankshaft, a turbo engine runs on its own exhaust steam, making it more energy efficient. -- CNN

2006-06-14, 12:59 PM	#46
Ezdno EJ251 Real Name: Dean W. Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: So close to hell you can see Sparks! Posts: 541 Car: 1992 F250 1T Monster Class: none They were all dead when I got here!	Two slugs walk into a bar, the first one orders a margarita, takes a big drink and melts to the floor....the second one says....I will have the same thing...NO SALT __________________ Don't interupt me while I am ignoring you!

2006-06-14, 03:58 PM	#48
A1337STI EJ205 Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Reno, NV Posts: 1,840 Car: Impreza and an Impreza Class: AS / CRS PerfStock "pedal on the right"	Q: What did the blonde get on her IQ test ? A: Drool! __________________ Fighting uphill battles, one bullet at a time!

2006-06-14, 04:13 PM	#49
sperry The Doink Real Name: Scott Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 20,335 Car: '09 OBXT, '02 WRX, '96 Miata Class: PDX/TT-6 The way out is through	How many fleas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, but damned if I know how they get in there! __________________ Is you is, or is you ain't, my con-stit-u-ints?

2006-06-15, 07:27 AM	#50
khail19 EJ205 Real Name: Khail Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Reno, NV Posts: 1,769 Car: 2016 VW GTI Meets? We have meets?	This one is a bit long, but I think it's worth it... So this guy walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. He sits down and orders a drink. The monkey climbs down on the bar and starts going around eating all the peanuts. The bartender tells the guy "Hey, your monkey is eating all the customer's peanuts!" The guy replies "Yeah, sorry about that. He likes to eat things that he shouldn't. Let me pay you for the trouble." So the guy pays for the peanuts and his drink and leaves. The guy and the monkey return the next day. The guy orders a drink, and the monkey climbs down and runs over to the pool table. He proceeds to swallow down the cue ball whole. Now the bartender is getting sort of upset and yells at the guy "Your monkey just ate my cue ball!" The guys says "I'm really sorry, this stupid monkey just can't help himself." So he pays the bartender for his drink and the cue ball and they leave again. About a week goes by before the guy and his monkey return to the bar. The guy sits and orders a drink, and the monkey gets down on the bar again. He runs over to the bowl of cherries, and sticks one up his butt, then takes it out and eats it. The bartender sees this and is disgusted. He yells at the guy "Your stupid nasty monkey just stuck a cherry up his ass and then ate it!" The guy looks up and says "Doesn't really surprise me. Ever since he had to shit that cue ball out last week he's been sizing up everything he eats. I guess he's smarter than I thought he was."

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